So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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