I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
