I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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