Well apparently he's into motor boating.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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