her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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