I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
