Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
