Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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