we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
