I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
