I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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