We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
