Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
