My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
