I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
