i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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