Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
