i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
