she looked like the before picture.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
