I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
