Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
