I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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