Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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