So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
