I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
