Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
