DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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