ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
