alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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