Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
