you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
