I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
