I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
This is the high leading the old right now
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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