The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
