haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
