well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
