apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
