If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
