love makes seman taste better
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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