Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
