So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
