I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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