I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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