so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
operation harelip BJ is a go
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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