He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You're like the curious george of whores
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
