I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
