Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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