I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
