Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
