How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
